Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me [following Me as My disciple], for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest (renewal, blessed quiet) for your souls. For My yoke is easy [to bear] and My burden is light.”Matthew:11:29-30 Amplified Bible
Stand fast therefore in the liberty by which Christ has made us free, and do not be entangled again with a yoke of bondage. Galatians 5:1 The Voice
False Narrative Is A Barbwire Yoke
In family life, conversation which is open, honest and flowing freely, is key to relationship unity, growth and harmony. Truth is such a freeing entity in family life. Opinions are good, but when they are formed out of false narrative, they can cause strife and ensnare the communication of family life. Free, unyoked communication is truth based. False and free do not co-mingle without producing a bitter yoke. Freedom is truth and truth spoken freely is the way to healthy family unity.
Differing Opinions In Family Life
In family life, sometimes opinions just fly, don’t they? We get our fly swatters out and we knock them down. Because with our human condition comes the reaction of the flesh where there is not going to be anyone’s opinion that flies higher than ours. Family time, especially the reunions, when we get together in large groups, is a time when personal say-so really does get aired out. Unfortunately, at these large family gatherings, we can be at times, way too casual with what we say, as if we have a free license to speak irresponsibly. We are all so different, so our opinions probably do naturally aggravate or sharpen the iron of another. Cultural say-so forms into strong opinions. Pushing your opinion on others creates bitterness in family life. Because someone does not believe what you believe, does not change truth. Truth is going to be truth even if people don’t believe it, it still will be true. Bitterness because your opinion is not heeded, can become a yoke of personal bondage and hinder communication. Do we trust God to purposefully shine a light of His truth, in His divine appointment? Or are we pushing a personal time agenda, that He is not in? Followship of God is most difficult when it comes to our family. We have our own time line, we don’t like waiting on God for His. When we impulsively make our own way, it can destroy relationship. Without relationship, communication does not take place. Who do you think is behind this impulsivity to not wait on God and be a bull in a china shop?
Wisdom For Keeping Opinions To Yourself
Since opinions may not really be truth, but may be part assumption, maybe it would be better to keep them to ourselves until we can speak the full truth, not just what we “think” we know. We all say things that we are not totally sure are true and this is where a false narrative can get shaped into personal opinion, and run through the family rumor mill. This kind of thing can cause hurt feelings in a family. We need to be so careful with what we say, let it be the whole truth, no assumption, no speculation, no presupposition, and no presumption. The second thing we need to be careful with in our say-so, is the attitude that we say it with. Let’s not let sarcasm, condescending and prideful attitude have any place in our family conversation. We need to guard our heart from resentment and offense, because out of our bitter heart, bad attitudes are worded and spit out, ensnaring the receiver in the barbwire of our bitterness and entrapping family unity.
Proverbs 15:18 A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, but he who is slow to anger and patient calms disputes.
Carefully Handle Opinions
We can lean into the opinion of what cultural say-so speaks, disagree with it, yet still show respect by heartily trying to understand their point of view. Or we can press our thought to the forefront without being the slightest attentive to what the other family member has said. This opinion snobbery always leads to bitter feelings of rejection in a family. Another great piece of wisdom for carefully handling opinions, is how sometimes your opinion may hit a family member on a “bad human day”, everyone has these kind of days where we are a bit off, therefore it is a wise thing to not argue over opinions when the atmosphere is a bit grouchy, let it go. It is wise in family life to not let minor things become major arguments because of attitudes puffed up with pride.
Opinions Are Emotionally Vested
People are emotionally invested in their opinion, whether it is right or wrong, they feel strongly about what they believe. Sometimes, our family member’s opinions are driven emotionally, more than rationally. Therefore, we need to treat another person’s opinion carefully, owning their emotions, as if they were our own. Sometimes we just don’t listen at all, we are getting ready in our mind to say what we want to say. It is all about our point being heard, and we totally don’t care what they have to say. We completely undercut their feelings by our quick non-caring response. This never goes over well, when we don’t even listen to what others have to say and then immediately spit out what our mind has been musing about. We never should devalue each other’s emotional opinion. Emotion is not right or wrong, it is what we do with emotion that makes it right or wrong. We can acknowledge the emotions, value them, and empathize, without agreeing with the opinion. This is a great compromise, that embraces and values another person’s feelings without validating their opinion. You can agree to disagree and still add value to another person. In family life this is a win-win for communication and unity.
Good sense and discretion make a man slow to anger, and it is his honor and glory to overlook a transgression or an offense [without seeking revenge and harboring resentment]. Proverbs 19:11 Amplified Bible
Opinions Can Be A Source Of Offense
Sometimes someone else’s fiery opinion embitters us, especially if we have the complacent type of personality. We take their opinion to heart, it makes us mad, but we don’t talk about it, we stew inside, kind of like one of those old pressure cookers. Then Kabooooom…out of the blue, bitter anger explodes all over everyone. Not fun. I call it emotionally throwing up all over everyone. That is why I kind of like this scripture above, it has encouraged me to avoid the Kaboooom! When you let your mouth run out of an bitter, angry soul that has harbored resentment, it is going to be something you will regret. You can’t take words back. Angry words are a sure sign you have an offended heart and need some quiet reflection time with God to clean it up.
Agree To Disagree, Let God Have The Final Say
I think one of the ways the enemy tricks us into arguments with others, is we believe we need to prove truth. It is okay, people have their point of view, listen to it and agree to disagree. Why is it okay? Nothing really alters truth and in the end, truth will stand. God’s truth is not altered by our opinions and God doesn’t need our help proving anything. It is better for us if we agree to disagree and love on, because we can easily be ensnared in the enemies trap of bitterness, which is a difficult barbwire to loosen ourselves from without major relationship damage. We don’t have to be right, we don’t have to have the last word. God’s truth stands and the last Word belongs to Him. Let go of the need to have the last say, this is pride and unbelief that God can’t work in this situation, that God’s truth can’t stand without our help. This is just not so. God is constantly working out His purposes in our lives, He is not absent when He is silent, He is working in the unseen for the best possible solution and timing to shine His Light of truth. I lost a family relationship because of this, so it is a painful lesson, that I hope you can learn from the wisdom that I have gained from the mistakes I made.
Beware! False Expectations Can Lead To Pride
Listening to other people’s personally biased opinions, give us false information and expectations about other people and when these high expectations are not met, we get disillusioned by the incorrect narrative. Opinionated expectations about people, swirl around in our brains, and become way over thought. Why? Because we can’t rationalize falsity without confusion and our mind can’t settle in clarity, so it overthinks. False narrative messes with our soul-emotions in such negative ways, especially when they don’t play out the way we “think” we know they rightly should. When this happens our will bucks up. This is what I expected, I don’t understand why what I have anticipated is not playing out. False Narrative causes us to resist truth and embrace fake reality. Once our will bucks up, we can’t see past a false expectation, that was wrong at the get go. With a will out of alignment, we will experience the desire to willfully take action, and to bitterly protest. It then takes an “act of God” a divine intervention, to humble us and bend our will to the Sovereign sway of God. Why? Because we can’t see past the stronghold of bitterness in our will to what is true, we have been ensnared by a blinding deception. Believe me God does humble us in relationships where our expectations have been set up by false narrative and we have created relationship friction. God is masterful at making the crooked places of false narrative straight.
All the things the world can offer to you—the allure of pleasure, the passion to have things, and the pompous sense of superiority—do not come from the Father. These are the rotten fruits of this world. 1 John 2:16 The Voice
Be The Person Who Does Not Have To Be Right
We are always right, this is part of our original nature. Because we know everything? Right? If only that were so. Because we don’t know a person’s inner heart or we don’t know their inner motive, and we don’t really know what they are growing through on the inside. We don’t know what they are silently wrestling with and significantly-painfully enduring. This makes our expectations of family members a bit corrupted by the pride of thinking we do know. The best place to put expectations is in God’s hands, He knows best how to sort them out, otherwise we sometimes end up plastering them on the face of our family members and bashing their heart with our disappointed disillusionment, and that just doesn’t work out so well in a good relationship kind of way. Self-righteousness destroys family unity and is a snare that entraps us, embittering our family life. The only righteous One, the only One who knows everything is our God and it is Him that we submit our lives to and it is in this action within our family, that good relationships and unity thrives. Our family was not created to be ensnared in the barbwire of bitterness, our family was made to thrive in Christ Jesus, and all things His way, truth and life. Let it be so, change it up in our family lives that we might be free to grow, live truly, deal truly and love truly. In the same way our Savior loved, let our family thrive.
Thank you for stopping in The Bridegroom’s Café. I hope this meal on the Family Table has nourished your soul. Please share the link with others, so other families can be blessed. You can do that by using the Social Media buttons below. If you would leave a comment, I would love that! I highly encourage you to “grow deeper” in listening up to God’s Voice. Let the Voice of God increase in you and the cultural viewpoint of our world decrease in your life. The Book: The Bridegroom’s Voice, is an amazing tool in the hand of God, it is a Journey with Jesus, a great God Adventure that you don’t want to miss taking. I hope you purchase a copy today here at my website.